Over the past few weeks I've thought a lot about my 16 year old daughter and how she's...well, pretty much grown up. The idea that my cute bald baby that used to scoot around my kitchen floor is now practically an adult is something that reduces me to tears. With her 17th birthday just around the corner, I have to wonder to myself...is this it? All these years? All this time? And now...bam! Adult! Just like that...off to get a job, step into the real world and what? Is my job over? It's really too much for my brain to comprehend. I know I'm being dramatic and ALL the kids grow up and they leave home and do things, but it just happened so fast and I really don't know what to do with myself.
20 years ago, I was the young adult leaving the nest and I have vivid memories of that day. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car as my Dad was driving me to the Greyhound bus station. I was excited and nervous to be shipping off to Army boot camp with my best friend, Leah. As we drove to the bus station I was kind of zoning out, it was early and I was tired and I knew I had a long ride ahead of me from Florida to South Carolina. Every few seconds I heard my Dad sniffing and before I looked over at him, I had this fleeting thought..."I didn't know he had a cold..." And as soon as I looked over I realized the sniffling wasn't from a cold. He was crying. My Dad. Crying. And in that moment it hit me...how could I have been so stupid and selfish? How could I not have known that leaving home would affect my parents? Up until that point it had been all about me...I want to be an adult! I want to leave home! I want to spread my wings and be in charge of myself! And here is my Dad driving me to a bus station, not knowing when he's going to see his kid again, bawling, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief and it never once occurred to me that this day would make THEM sad. And now I know...now I know why the hardest thing to do is let your kid go. Did I teach her enough? Did I tell her how much I love her and how awesome I think she is? Does she know how to cook dinner? Can she do all this without me? Yeah...she can. I did and she can too. She's going to fail sometimes, but that's part of learning to be an adult, and it's ok. :-(
