I don't think I realized this about myself until the last year or so, but I think that it doesn't matter what I've done in the past, there's always room for improvement. I feel like I can always do it better the next time. I can always be nicer, run faster, cook better, work harder, set bigger goals. I can't decide if that means I'm not ever happy with what I have or if trying for more is a good thing. Either way, I'm sure it's not going to change anytime soon. I am who I am.
Some days I hate the feeling that I'm not happy with now. Dang, I'm usually at least a little funny but today sucks a little. I found an old picture. You know, a really FAT one...so depressing. I should be proud of the progress I made. Losing 50 pounds was a big deal and I'm proud of that. I worked hard for it. I deserved it. But I'm stuck in the middle. I'm still not happy with how I look. Still so much work to be done, but I'm supposed to be living NOW, not waiting for when I feel like I look ok. That part PISSES ME OFF!!! Insecurity is a bitch. That's really all I have to say about that.
Here's what before looks like...I know this is a crazy thing to say but I'm glad I'm alone now so I could find myself again. Cuz the girl in this pic? Yeah, I don't know her.
And the somewhere in the middle picture, which is actually over a year old because I don't let people take full length pictures of me. :P
Just so's ya know, I'm generally pretty happy. Today was just a weird one!
Wow - that's deep! Too deep for me on a Saturday afternoon! Ya know..after reading this, we are so much alike it isn't funny! You are right - striving for more is definitely a good thing. You don't want to become stagnant, stuck where you are and eventually regret when you become old that you didn't do the things you should have done. You don't want to be 75 years old looking back going, "damn...why the hell didn't I try harder?" it doesn't matter what you strive for...as long as you are striving for something positive. It keeps you challenged, something to look forward to, and hey - we ALL can improve in one way or another.
ReplyDeleteFat or thin - I love you the same. I have watched you over the past 2 years become someone I can only HOPE to be like. You have grown so much and have begun to find "Ginger". Somewhere along the lines of marriage, we all tend to get complacent, tell ourselves, "this is it. He's not going to change. He is who he is...I am who I am." The thing with that is simple - you have the control to change yourself, and if the other person you are with doesn't grow right along with you, you become stuck. life starts to become depressing and "it is what it is." I'm so happy you didn't settle. You deserve NOTHING but happiness! You are my sister in my heart and I will always be here for you when you fail, you fall, you flounder, you succeed. you are the bestest buddy ever! :) You are absolutely BEAUTIFUL inside and out, don't EVER think DIFFERENTLY!!!!!
love you to pieces G-spot! :D
*~*Me*~*