Stupid Light Bulbs...And Other Things I Wanna Punch!

I know the day has gone to hell in a handbasket when I find myself telling the pencil I just dropped to fuck off. Stupid pencil better learn his place! I came up with a theory recently...bear with me. Ok, I think the days where everything goes wrong are actually worse than a really truly bad day. What's a really truly bad day? Your dog dies. That's a really bad fucking day. Crash your car into a telephone pole? Yes...also a bad day. But here's the thing...on these truly awful days you have a real tangible reason to be pissed off or sad. But on pencil dropping days, you're stomping around the house mad at the world for no good reason. And people are all...hey, why are you in a bad mood? And really, the only appropriate response to that is I DON'T KNOW! Now fuck off! You and the pencil can both go to hell!

You laugh, but you know you've been there. I'm there today. Welcome to my hell. My kitchen light burnt out. Mere annoyance. I can deal with that...change the bulb and I'm on my way. But noooooo, it can't be that simple, now can it? Brand new light bulbs installed, I flip the switch and damn it all to hell if there ain't no light coming out of them!!! Hmm...check the breaker (note: I know this is not the problem, but decide to go look at the little fuse thingys anyway) all is good in the breaker box...so my next course of action is to stomp back inside the house and flip off the kitchen light as hard as I can with BOTH HANDS!!! Grrrrr!!!



I went to the doctor yesterday and the nice lady at the front desk asked for my insurance card. I handed it over, somewhat nervously, because I am on a new health insurance plan. All I could think was pleeeease accept my insurance, I looove my doctor. The last thing I need is one more FUCKING change I didn't sign up for. She entered the info and asked if my ex was still the primary subscriber and I had to of course explain to ONE MORE PERSON that doesn't really need to know, that, no...he's long gone and I'm the primary. So then she looks at me over the top of her glasses and says, "well then, whoooo will your emergency contact be now?" I wanted to yell at her "NO-FUCKING-BODY!!!!" How about THAT you snarky tip of the nose glasses wearing office lady? How about THAT! I decided against that after having a moment of clarity. I said, "Keep my ex as the emergency contact, HE can deal with my dead body!" Yeah, stick it to the mannnnnnnn!!!! Hahahaha! (Side note: I don't really know who the man is, thus I'm not sure who will have it "stuck to them.")

Sigh...I just went to make myself a bowl of cereal. I like cereal. It is delicious. Also a good snack late at night when cooking is out of the question. I opened the drawer to grab a spoon and to my surprise there are only big spoons left, the small spoon slot left bare yet again. Fucking big spoon, AGAIN?? Whyyyyy???? Why me? Why do I ALWAYS get stuck with the spoon so big I have to open wiiiiide for every bite? Oh oh, I get it...it's a fat joke. Haha, joke's on me! Chubby girl gets the big spoon. That's a good one. Maybe I'll start hiding a small spoon just for me. MAYBE. I. WILL. But then...I'd probably forget where I hid it...and then...I'd hide another small spoon and forget where I hid that one. This isn't going anywhere good. Maybe I'll just stop eating things that require spoons. That'll show those big spoons! They'll never get used again. Muwahahahahaha!!!

After a day like this, filled with stupid light bulbs, dumb ass spoons, and obnoxious pencils, I just wanna come home, climb into bed and chat with my friends who live inside my computer box. Avoiding the real world? Maybe. Cat lady-like behavior? Could be. Do I care??? Noooooo. (Ok, maybe a little.)