People Are Coming!

Yesterday I realized I set off a chain of events which will have me frantically cleaning alternated with bouts of extreme laziness and procrastination. You see...PEOPLE are coming. That's right, I invited people over. To eat. And hang out. And...whatever people do when gathered en masse.

Oh the fun we will have...jokes will be told, we'll all throw our heads back in laughter, hahaha..."Muffy, wasn't that simply hilarious!" Muffy replies, "Oh yes, Duke, that was quite humorous!" The ladies will comment on how delicious the food is and exclaim, "Dear, I absolutely must have this recipe for my garden party next month." Oh, a gay time will be had by all, indeed! INDEED!

But...

...ah yes, you knew there would be a but. (or a butt)

This fine event will take place in two days time, and here I sit supremely distracted by things including, but not limited to: Facebook, Skype, squirrels, guacamole, my toe nails, when's the last time I shaved?, dog poop, purple light bulbs, is tomorrow trash day?...Aw crap! I'm firmly entrenched in the extreme lazy/procrastination phase. And there's so much to do, so much cleaning to be done, I need to clean ALL the things!



First things first...I've really been wanting to tackle the linen closet...it's just sooo disorderly and I need ORDER in my life, people. ORDER, I tell you! Dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, cooking, you can ALL wait, because the linen closet is bothering me NOW! This must be done or a successful gathering will NOT be had!

Steps to cleaning a linen closet:

1. Open door, stare at crap for 5 minutes.
2. Pee (in the bathroom, silly!)
3. Back to closet, stare some more.
4. Take everything out of closet and throw it on dining table.
5. Admire crap
6. Kids pick up crap and ask if they can have this. Say no. Think silently to self, why not?
7. Pick up lint roller and rub it all over clothes. Wonder why I don't use this more often.
8. Watch squirrels. Hmmm...are they married? Decide yes, they are.
9. Go to store, buy chips, salsa and guacamole. And donuts.
10. Come home. Eat chips, salsa and guacamole. And donuts. Go to bathroom. FAST!
11. Look at crap on dining table. Turn computer on.
12. Find eyeliner, put a lot on. Daughter says I look like a mime. Make frowning mime face.
13. Agonize over throwing out 9 year old deodorant.
14. Smell perfume. Stinks. Don't throw it out. Give THAT to youngest daughter.
15. Sweep all of crap off table into large cardboard box. Throw it in garage. Vow to organize it "later."

Stay tuned for the next chapter of "I shoulda done this, but instead I did that." And other tales like, "How I pulled that off at the last minute, when really, I should have failed miserably."

Credit for totally awesome paint drawing goes to this blog, which is QUITE humorous, I can guarantee!
www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com
Be sure to read this post:
www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html